Oh no! Mold! MOLD in my house! Enter: Hammacher Schlemmer.

(don't you hate it when that sneeze takes its own sweet time to get here?!)

(don’t you hate it when that sneeze takes its own sweet time to get here?!)

I have a horrid  sinus condition that keeps giving me headaches and sneezies up the wazoo. I was at my wit’s end last night, after a 13 sneeze  event, until I happened to spy, with my little eye, a black fuzzy on my living room wall, near the floor. Placing my reading glasses on the end of my nose, I took a closer look and, OMGawd! it was mold! I have MOLD IN MY HOUSE!!

It’s time to break out the hydrogen peroxide and chlorine and start scrubbing, search the shed for that old can of Kilz paint and start looking for an air purifier thingy to try and filter all those stray MOLD spores that are surely floating around my house, sticking up their little MOLDy middle fingers up at me as I try to catch them by waving my Hepa Filtered vacuum cleaner hose around in the air.

I’d been working on my novel-in-progress and the fact that I had given the family a dehumidifier (the mother considers whether or not this might be the reason for her little girl’s health condition, btw…) slapped me up ‘side my head, so I thought, “hmmm…air cleaner! GOOGLE!!”

As I was Googling for air cleaners and/or dehumidifiers that will catch the tiniest size of MOLD spores, I came across a store that I haven’t checked out in about 10 years: Hammacher Schlemmer. Twenty-four years ago, they offered one of the first “call monitor” machines for personal use. It went beyond being an answering machine. It had the capability of saving data (phone numbers and names) which, if it “recognized” the number, would allow the phone to “ring through”. Otherwise, the number was stored and the caller would get a generic “I’ll call you back as soon as possible” message. No need for the caller to leave his/her number. Go ahead and hang up. I purchased it.

It was so cool. I still have that machine and it still worked the last time I had a landline phone.

Back to Google. I clicked on the store’s website URL and, “Lo’ and behold! Thank you, Jesus!! Go tell it on the mountain!!!, Hammacher Schlemmer has a purifier that takes care of MOLD spores, as well as dust!


Hammacher Schlemmer also has a personal submarine that looks like a sports car on sale for a mere $4M…but it does nothing for MOLD, so I’ll just stick that on my Wish List for now.