Wow. I am SO not the same “Me” (forced objectivity)

Well hello all – I didn’t see you standing there! I was very busy, you see, and completely oblivious to the world around me. ‘Why?’ you might ask. Because I just spent several days going over all my posts on Old Fossil Writes through the eyes of (forced) objectivity.

A lot of those posts are interesting and thought provoking. Others are just plain silly. Still others are – meh – not so much of anything.

And some – well, some are just plain dumb.

One thing that I did get out of this exercise was that, holy cow and wow! I am SO not the same Me that I was when I began this blog in October of 2015.

Due to that blasted stroke side-effect of not being able to recognize my own work (hence: “….through the eyes of forced objectivity.”), it was actually more like reading what someone else had written about me. It wasn’t always comfortable, sometimes a bit embarassing, but very eye opening. Almost like being a nosy fly on the wall (h’mmm. “Ladybug on the wall” sounds much nicer). Almost like being a nosy ladybug on the wall. I already know that I’m a bit weird, but now I find that I am weird on a completely different level!

In doing research for Folded Dreams – the Novel, I was just trying to make sure that my facts – those concepts that make the story fit into the genre of “Visionary Fiction” – were close enough to actuality that the story was fairly believable. However, during these past couple of years of recovery I have delved into quite a few more areas of belief, legend, mythology and practices which, had I been well versed in or at least somewhat acquainted with, might have afforded me a much more developed set of notes on which to draw. Of course, that is not to say that I would have been able to recognize my own work even then…but I might have been able to jump start my brain into searching harder for a different way to access my missing Muse.

Anyway, as I said, I have been reading and studying a lot in these past 28 months. It appears that the reason I feel I am so not the exact same Me in many ways, is more because I have begun to understand that the Me that I thought I was is not unfounded. In other words, those notions I have always held about so many very basic similarities that are shared worldwide – in religion, for instance – are not unfounded.

(Does that even make sense? Not being quite the same Me that I once was makes getting my point across much more difficult. Not that I was not scatter-brained before!!)

I could write so much more on this subject – a really lot! – but it’s still kinda jumbled in my head when I try to put it all into words (this being my 12th draft for this particular post) and I’m tired now. I will, of a personal necessity to do so, visit this bit of self-discovery at another time, in another post.

 *     *     *     *     *

By the way…still in love…still at a total loss about how to handle it 😀

Just some random thoughts…

…ya’ know. because i have so much time on my hands. still.

so here i sit all woeful and forlorn.  i’m as bored as a dog lover, stuck on a boat full of old cat ladies.  that’s not old cats who collect ladies.  that’s old ladies who collect cats.  random thoughts are bound to be running rampant through my brain cells.  or at least what’s left of them.

weird random thoughts.  like comparing my state of boredom to old ladies, old cats and dogs.  dogs who are lovers.  or folks who love dogs.  or something like that.

you know.

random.

weird.

weirdly random.

or randomly weird.

thoughts and stuff.

see what i mean?

anyway.  have a nice night.  or morning.  or wherever on the clock you happen to be.

or whichever day of the week you happen to be currently occupying.

yeah.

weird.

like that.

okbye.

 

“I Am Your Rib, Sir” – – (my Muse issued a challenge…)

(As I proofread this post, I can see where my brain is still trying to adopt new neural pathways. Please forgive the disjointedness…and could someone please tell me if “nosey” is spelled with or without that annoying ‘e’!!! Thanks ~ Pearl~ )

As you all know, I have been recovering from a health issue, lo’ these past two+ years. Anger at my body for its betrayal, and the frustration of trying to locate my Muse who (like the completely self absorbed, self-centred spouse), abandoned me at a time that I really needed support – all of this had intermittently messed with my determination to push myself.

Most people can relate to the fact that, during recovery from any serious health setback, one can find oneself with so much time on his hands that actually ‘dying of boredom’ becomes more of a possibility and less of a catch-phrase! Introspection comes naturally at these times of physical inactivity, but one must be careful to avoid any negative thinking, lest you find yourself wallowing in self recrimination or regrets.

In such cases I have found that flights of fancy offer great distraction. Well – that and becoming nosey(sp????) with regard to everyone else’s lives. You know the type – no life of her own, so she tries to live vicariously through others. Strangers’ lives, of course…never my family’s or friends’ lives. I do still maintain some propriety, after all.

I have come to the conclusion that it is, without a doubt, true that one’s state of mind directly affects what one perceives in life. What I have perceived, for example (especially because of recent personal experience), is that too many people “settle”, when it comes to choosing a life partner. Consider for a moment – what if we were able to peer through time and actually know the kind of person we would wind up spending the rest of our lives with – I mean truly seeing beyond our initial childhood/teen romantic notions  (not that we should give up on those romantic notions at all, just “grow them up” a bit). What if we were strong enough to settle for nothing less, no matter how lonesome we got?

.. which got me to thinking about the “Adams rib” story in the Bible. And that, my friends, was when my Muse deigned to pay me a short visit…and issue me a challenge.

“So what if you cannot even recognize your own previous work. If you think you’ve become so smart and philosophical…go ahead! write a book about this new train of thought. I dare you!”

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Okayyy. Let me think…h’mmmmmm…

I know of one particular person whose admirers think they know precisely who is best for him. Admirers, mind you, or fans if you will…not friends. Not even personal acquaintances. Apparently, since he is still unmarried, they think this man is incapable of making his own decisions, even though he has been doing so (quite well, I might add, judging from his “station” in life) for the better part of forty years. Maybe he’s one of those who just won’t settle for less than what he knows he wants. Then again, perhaps he really is just happy being a bachelor! Whatever the case may be, I started thinking – if this man was my friend, would I want the responsibility of telling him who to have in his life and thereby risking his happiness on my fallibility? or would I simply wish the best for him, then support him in his decision? What would I say to him? I certainly would not presume to be wiser about his wants or needs than he is, himself!

A checklist. Perhaps. A checklist which would be suitable for anyone and everyone (men as well as women), but at the same time, could be completely personalized for his benefit.

(Bear with me…all of this actually does relate to the challenge issued by my Muse 🙂 )

It is widely believed that Destiny – or perhaps karma – plays a major role in our lives and loves. On the other hand, many people will say life and love just randomly happen in an “It is what it is” kind of way. Still others swear by the story in the Bible – that Eve was not only specifically intended for Adam, but was actually a part of him…she was fashioned from his rib, after all. No question that they were quite literally “made for each other”. It has even been stated, also as “proof”, that men generally have one less rib than women (my knowledge of physiology – including anomolies – completely refutes that generalization of course, but what the heck…that’s what “poetic license” is for!).

Science notwithstanding, the Adam’s rib story is still a lovely way of expressing the hope that two people were meant to be. And so was born the title of one more attempt at writing: “I Am Your Rib, Sir.

Anyhow, here is the Checklist I spoke of in that paragraph up there. In essence, it’s the view that there is a perfect Someone for everyone – defined and transformed into a philosophical ideology, per se, which would flow through the veins of this story:

“Someone whose love is as fierce, as giving, as protective as a mother’s love – as trusting and pure as a child’s, as loyal and respectful as a friend’s and as passionate as a lover’s…someone who is different enough from you that you are challenged, but who is enough like you that she reflects you in everything she is…everything she says…everything she does. This is who I pray for you, to share your life.” [ “I am your rib, sir.” (c) 2018. Pearl Kirkby]

So far, the drafts I have finished look promising. Unfortunately, other than the quote above, this time around I won’t be sharing sample writing. Truth be told, if too much neural damage has been done and too many brain cells have been compromised due to my stroke, it is a liklihood that this book will bear at least two author’s names.

* * * * *

Anyhow, since I am basically starting over from scratch and have forgotten all the important stuff, I’ve had to do the legal things a little differently this time around, directly through the US Copyright Office. The one thing I do remember is that I wasn’t this confused before!

That’s all for now.

Oh! by the way, yes! I’m still in love!!!

On Being Human and Other Borrowed Idioms

The world is full of idiots…u’mmm…ermmm…idioms. Some call them colloquialisms, some say vernacular,  many refer to them as slang, still others call it nonsense. Be that as it may, nearly everyone peppers their conversation with idiots…oops, sorry…idioms on a regular basis.

Aesop’s Fables gave us many of these, along with nursery rhymes and religious texts of all faiths. What child has been born before the 21st century who was not familiar with “casting your pearls before swine” (not THIS Pearl, obviously… although there have been a lot of swine in and out of my life 😨),”don’t put all of your eggs in one basket” and so on and so forth?

You will find that many idioms (at least those adopted since the 20th century) such as “one night stand”, “out like a light” and “rebel without a cause”, can trace their origins to the sports and film industries in a number of countries.

I am reminded of a prime example: “bend it like Beckham” which refers to British footballer, David Beckham’s ability to kick a ball past an entire wall of defenders by causing the trajectory of the ball to “bend”…much like a curve ball thrown by a pitcher in baseball (it’s another idiom that has enjoyed popularity over the years), which was used in the Bollywood film, “Wanted” wherein the main character, played by Salman Khan, was trying to teach his leading lady’s character how to position her tongue behind her teeth in order to whistle for a cab (totally different movie from the Hollywood film of the same name, with David McAvoy and Anjelina Jolie).

My most recent favourites (mostly because they are new to this American) actually are from a number of Hindi movies. Just a few ”for instances:

** “Just imagine!” is said with particular inflection in Krrish 3. When I want my grandson to pay attention to my instructions or warning, I usually add, “just imagine!!” at the end.

** Race 3 is a film that was just released in June (now available on Amazon Prime Videos… YAYYYY!!👍🏼😊😊). From that film, one idiom that has taken on a life of it’s own (see what I mean about idioms?!) is “Our business is our business – none of your business”. Daisy Shah (who spoke this scripted line), most of the stars and many supporting staff members have made it legendary! Even the Mumbai (India) police… I think Mumbai…adopted it for one of their citizen’s safety campaigns! As for me, again, I use it as a child rearing term. It’s much nicer sounding than “mind your business, child!”🤣

** And then there is “Being Human” – not an idiom so much as a descriptive. It has been referred on such movies as “Kick” (another Salman Khan starrrer) and is indeed the name of his charitable foundation which is based in India. If you read my previous post you will note the usage there as well. At home, my grandson and I find excuses to blurt out, “BEING HUMAN!!” for as many occasions as it will fit. He tends to blame bodily eruptions on the reality of being human 😱😰.

(He asked me the other day if I thought that Bollywood gentleman would be upset to know he had replaced “Pardon me” with “being human!”?

“How would I know?!” I said. But I told him I’d ask, if I ever met him!! Hey who knows? Stranger things have happened!!)

Back to the subject.

Actually, that’s the end of the subject. The bottom line is this:  Idiots abound in society, but if you bombard them with idioms, you may just lighten the mood and help make the world go ’round a whole lot more pleasantly and smoothly!

The End.

(Just another pointless, filler post for my author site, yo’!!!)

Disturbingly Stupid. Oh…and still in love!!

(99.999%. Yes. That sounds about right.) Every human being in the world is an individual – unique and different. Different hair colour, different facial features and fingerprints, different levels of stamina and metabolism and varying degrees and types of talent, thought processes and problem solving skills  Some of us are homely, some are pleasant looking, some are strikingly attracive for no identifiable reason. And then there is is what we call “beauty”…external and skin deep, or internal with a beautiful heart, or both….(oh my merciful heavens! like the man I’m in love with! Inside and out, one out of only two of the most beautiful men I have ever come across or known in my many years of life! Yep. Still in love! And nope…he still doesn’t have the vaguest notion that I exist! 😀 ) or…well, you get my point.

But I digress.

With all of this individuality floating around amongst we “higher life forms” on this planet, there exist traits which are, still and yet, intrinsically common to the state of being human. Well, being human is, in and of itself, a right common trait, dontcha know. Sort of. Depending. (boy was that a totally unecessary bit of observation!! 😀 😀 ). But all kidding aside, being human involves a lot of  “we’re all the same under the skin” stuff. Stuff like curiosity, fear and fearlessness in the face of protecting those we love, survival instincts…and falling into the state of being stupid. Disturbingly stupid..

As newborns and infants, we all start out on this journey of learning with blank slates. Parents and other people who are bigger and, hopefully, smarter than we aid us into growing into “knowledge thirsty” children. Of course we then take a break in this wondrous experience of life and become completely clueless teenagers who think we have all the answers to life’s deepest questions, when in fact we really don’t know ‘ish about anything except how to push the limits of our parents’ patience (well, perhaps not all of us, but a good percentage of us). We finally progress into (sometimes) intelligent adults with enough history and experience behind us to avoid making stupid mistakes. Note that I quantify “…we progress…” – with – “(sometimes)”.

Because

Just remember this: being stupid knows no demographic boundaries. Hence, being Disturbingly Stupid can sneak up on you, pretending to be just another friendly, helpful learning tool. Think about it…someone dares you to race across six lanes of highway traffic. On foot, no less. Just as you are two feet from the far side of East Bound, a car clips you and sends you flying, Tourist Class, into the next town over. Experience, in a voice dripping with obvious sarcasm, says, “Brilliant decision, Sherlock.” On the other hand, Disturbingly Stupid visits you in the hospital (or morgue) and greets you with a smirk and a head shake and the ironic comment, “I’ll wager that you won’t do that again any time soon.”

Experience vs. Disturbingly Stoopit.

Another example…

As you all know by now, I had a stroke in December of 2016. I went from this (a few months before):

and this 

 

(small size pic because I hate seeing myself like this)

 

 

 

….to this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not so much one of the “Beautiful People” anymore, huh?

It scared me. I never wanted to go there (above pic) again. I told myself, “No more being stupid and thinking you can remain invincible after 40.” And a year later, I had “improved” to these points:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now, after nearly two years (and getting in a lot of practice with makeup so that I could comfortably look at myself in the mirror without gagging), I have reached this close to what I used to be:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now mind, I don’t look nearly this good sans’ face makeup (foundation. conturing, blush and highlighter), but my eyes again have that look that they used to have…bright, sometimes piercing, and self-assured. I can walk without that rubber-legged wobble (although my equilibrium is such that sometimes you’d think that my steering wheel has been tied to a perpetual right hand turn!). Where the right side of my face had slid off of my skull, most of it has found its way back, halleluiah!

After nearly two years of determination, last week I bought a pack of cigarettes…which is why this part of my post has been included in “Disturbingly Stupid…”

Just don’t overdo it,” my friendly, helpful learning tool told me. “Everything in moderation,” that tool said.

By the end of the first cigarette, when I tried to get up from my hidden seat behind the tree to go inside (because, living with my youngest son, I had to sneak to practice my newly rediscovered vice) I almost did a face flop. Equilibrium and right side mobility had gone a bit missing. I managed to get into the house thinking, “Well that’s not a good sign.” Do you know what that tool tod me? “Oh that’s just the same reaction you had at age 12, when you had your first (experience of an oxygen deprived brain…sic).”

And I fell for it!

Three days and 20 cigarettes later, I was little better than when I was released from the hospital in January 2017. All that progress…BANG…down the tubes. And the tool is still trying convince me it’s just trying to “help”!

I’ve found my way back to being at pre-stupid recovery. I’m much better now…and much wiser and aware of the weaknesses to be found just in being human. Being around smokers really doesn’t bother me as of that day….I now control that particular weakness.

Moral of story: Don’t listen to all the tools out there who are pretending to help. Don’t be stoopit. But especially don’t be Disturbingly Stupid.

“Well now, what have YOU been up to?” Collecting Inspiration, of course! Oh – and I’ve fallen in love. Don’t ask.

Hello, everyone! It’s been ages since I’ve posted anything original and I’ve decided that I’m far overdue in updating The Old Fossil Writes. It will take a few days, but I’ll try to give a brief  “catch up” today…answer a few questions that some of my friends have emailed me and such – – like “Well now, Pearl, just what have YOU been up to?”

For one: I’ve fallen in love!. Don’t ask.

These past 14 months have been kind of trying. There have been ups, downs, tears, laughter, frustration after frustration and some really lucid moments when who I was before 8 December 2016 erupted from the depths, kicking and screaming. During these months, I’ve had ample time on my hands to reflect on my life and analyze my priorities, recall my dreams and goals, and try to get a grip on why I wound up where I am, who I am and why I am the person I’ve become. In this space of time, I have also inadvertently collected vast amounts of inspiration, and that from some very surprising people and places.

And I’ve fallen in love. Don’t ask.

I’ve actually stayed pretty much aligned with my social media, but even that has undergone some major changes. And while I have missed so many of you (but thanks to you guys who dropped me a line now and again, via email, Twitter and Instagram!), I have made a number of new acquaintances as well. It’s been altogether interesting to learn about the histories and cultures of even more countries than I have previously been introduced to…and, indeed to find how similar they are to my own American Indian forebears.

Enough of the where’s and on to the results of all this thinking:

Try as I might, I can’t seem to pick up the thread of the Folded Dreams novel. I’ve tried re-reading “…the Beginning” and even going over and over the many drafts of the novel since the beginning. No joy. Nada. Zilch. Kuchh nahin. Nothing. So I’m left with the question of whether I should take these new found insights, or seeds of ideas, or whatever you want to call them, and try to find a place to insert them into one of my books-in-progress, or simply start a new story. If I opt for a new story, it may still fall under the genre of Visionary Fiction, but only just.

I’ve started painting again. Still not having full control over fine movements in my fingers makes wielding a paintbrush difficult, but who says I must use just a brush! There are other art implements I can use…the earth, the sea, even animals offer up their various treasures…or even my hands (I’ve not used my hands to apply paint to canvas in years). And then there are those oil paints that my youngest son got for me several years ago – I don’t know why oils terrify me so much, but I’m going to give them a go. And canvasses larger than 24″ x 18″ ( or whatever that size was…stupid short term memory). I’m seriously thinking of going for a big, blank wall.

Sculpting and carving will, of a necessity, have to wait.

Did I mention that I’ve fallen in love? Don’t ask.

So that’s the basics of what I’ve been up to: collecting inspiration, meeting interesting people, both online and off, and doing a lot of introspection. Oh! And I’ve lost that horrid stroke related weight and started wearing a bit of make up again!! There’s more on my mind, but that can wait. Like that bit about me falling in love. Yeah – he doesn’t know – so don’t ask.