Well hello all – I didn’t see you standing there! I was very busy, you see, and completely oblivious to the world around me. ‘Why?’ you might ask. Because I just spent several days going over all my posts on Old Fossil Writes through the eyes of (forced) objectivity.
A lot of those posts are interesting and thought provoking. Others are just plain silly. Still others are – meh – not so much of anything.
And some – well, some are just plain dumb.
One thing that I did get out of this exercise was that, holy cow and wow! I am SO not the same Me that I was when I began this blog in October of 2015.
Due to that blasted stroke side-effect of not being able to recognize my own work (hence: “….through the eyes of forced objectivity.”), it was actually more like reading what someone else had written about me. It wasn’t always comfortable, sometimes a bit embarassing, but very eye opening. Almost like being a nosy fly on the wall (h’mmm. “Ladybug on the wall” sounds much nicer). Almost like being a nosy ladybug on the wall. I already know that I’m a bit weird, but now I find that I am weird on a completely different level!
In doing research for Folded Dreams – the Novel, I was just trying to make sure that my facts – those concepts that make the story fit into the genre of “Visionary Fiction” – were close enough to actuality that the story was fairly believable. However, during these past couple of years of recovery I have delved into quite a few more areas of belief, legend, mythology and practices which, had I been well versed in or at least somewhat acquainted with, might have afforded me a much more developed set of notes on which to draw. Of course, that is not to say that I would have been able to recognize my own work even then…but I might have been able to jump start my brain into searching harder for a different way to access my missing Muse.
Anyway, as I said, I have been reading and studying a lot in these past 28 months. It appears that the reason I feel I am so not the exact same Me in many ways, is more because I have begun to understand that the Me that I thought I was is not unfounded. In other words, those notions I have always held about so many very basic similarities that are shared worldwide – in religion, for instance – are not unfounded.
(Does that even make sense? Not being quite the same Me that I once was makes getting my point across much more difficult. Not that I was not scatter-brained before!!)
I could write so much more on this subject – a really lot! – but it’s still kinda jumbled in my head when I try to put it all into words (this being my 12th draft for this particular post) and I’m tired now. I will, of a personal necessity to do so, visit this bit of self-discovery at another time, in another post.
* * * * *
By the way…still in love…still at a total loss about how to handle it 😀